Makkhi: Welcome to an exclusive preview of today's historic match-up between two of the greatest fighters known to filmkind.
Punya: *Mankind*, Makkhi, mankind. Let me tell you something about these guys. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Nothing but respect.
Makkhi: They are supremely talented. They are fearless. They are their opponents' worst nightmares. They like to take their shirts off at least once every three hours. Indeed, once they make a commitment, they refuse to change their minds. They are used to toying with high stakes. They are used to sacrificing their bodies. And they only await their next challenge, coming up soon. So sit back and relax while you can, because once this fight starts, you're going to be sitting at the edge of your seat, much like the crowds that have started gathering here.
We'll be right back after these messages...
Makkhi: Welcome back to our exclusive preview.
Punya: I have one word for those trailers: Awesome. We forgot to mention Veer and Chulbul are our brothers.
Makkhi: (Eye roll) This is the only blog that will break down the epic upcoming match-up between two of the greatest fighters of our time.
Punya: Veer is *not* of our time, Makkhi. He's classic. A pure Pindari warrior!
Makkhi: Of course. Of course.
Punya: And speaking of breaking things down, both Veer and Chulbul like to break down people they don’t like. This should be exhilarating stuff!
Makkhi: What a contrast in how they approach their art.
Punya: Right. But don't mess with my Veera. He can break a sword with one bare hand!
Makkhi: Chulbul doesn't leave hands on his opponents.
Punya: Why such an undying love for Chulbul, Makkhi? He hated you and your father. He’s corrupt. He doesn’t willingly share his wealth. Simply put, he’s bad, and stern as a rock.
Makkhi: Bad a$$, you mean! He is *so* bad, even the bad guys are uncharacteristically insecure when he’s around.
Punya: If not for him, you might still be single. Doesn’t that feel weird?
Makkhi: Not at all. Have you seen my Munni?
Punya: *Your* Munni? You’re stepping out of character, Makkhi. Back to the fight.
Makkhi: No, but you didn’t answer my question.
Punya: You’re not the only one with a hottie, you know. Check *us* out! I even taught her to sing in Hindi!
Makkhi: Is she your wife? Hmm?
Punya: The way you so arrogantly say ‘Hmm’ reminds me of Captain Russell.
Makkhi: Dude, wrong film. That was Lagaan (2001).
Punya: Oh, sorry, I meant Governor Fraser.
Makkhi: Right. Wannabe.
Punya: Wannabe? Chulbul is the wannabe. He calls himself Robin Hood, for God’s sake!
Makkhi: Yet, it was Veer with the merry men. You know they didn’t do this in India back then, right?
Punya: Of course they did. What do you know about India?
Makkhi: My brother is a renowned cop!
Punya: My brother kicked off a revolution before yours was even born.
Makkhi: No. That was Mangal Pandey!
Punya: Whatever. It wasn’t *Chulbul* Pandey, okay.
Makkhi: Say what one may, Chulbul is a super street fighter. Plus, he’s got guns. Veer’s nineteenth century swords will be no match.
Punya: But Veer’s weapons and armor can withstand a cannon, what’s a gun?
(Punya and Makkhi start playing “Rock-Paper-Scissors” until a member of the production crew reminds them they’re on air.)
Makkhi: Well. We all know how that armor worked out.
Punya: That was actually Jackie "Dada" Shroff’s fault.
Makkhi: Funny thing is, Dada reminded me of special edition Skeletor, what with all that black and gold.
Punya: Veer is no less than He-Man! Check him out. Our blog host has made that comparison before, while discussing Wanted (2009).
theBollywoodFan: For real. He even comes in the Battle Armor He-Man variant this time (these pictures are from my He-Man toy collection, by the way)...
...and the Jungle Attack variant!
Makkhi: Poor Dada. I heard you guys chopped his hand off.
Punya: Yes, and you should be worried.
Makkhi: Worried? Why? Chulbul has money. He has power. He has a uniform. What does Veer have?
Punya: Veer has maa!
Makkhi: Chulbul has a lovely wife.
theBollywoodFan: That was a decent debut for Shatrugan "Shotgun" Sinha's daughter, by the way.
Punya: Veer has a child.
Makkhi: Chulbul will have one very soon. But have you noticed Veer’s child’s mother looks a bit like Katrina Kaif?
Punya: So? That lady in Lucky (2005) looked like Aishwarya Rai. What’s the big deal?
Makkhi: I’m glad Lady Luck smiled on me and not my brother. (Whistling to the Munni Badnaam tune.)
Punya: You’re out of character again, Makkhi. Take it easy. Lady Luck won’t be smiling on Chulbul tonight. He’s in serious trouble.
Makkhi: We shall see, my pal. We shall see. Robin Hood is bad, I’d never bet against him.
Punya: That’s the thing I don’t get. My brother Veer is the good guy. Everyone respects that. He’s a patriot. He’s honest and compassionate. He’s a heck of a leader. He isn’t corrupt. Yet, everyone likes Chulbul the Dabangg so much more.
Makkhi: And that includes theBollywoodFan.
theBollywoodFan: Kinda. Veer had its moments. It had the better soundtrack by far. And I can't help but wonder people who haven't even seen it have made up their minds about it, which is a shame. Yet, there’s no contest with Dabangg in terms of popularity, and rightfully so. Sorry Punya, Chulbul and Dabangg win hands down.
Punya: But why?
Makkhi: Because my brother Chulbul is *so* bad, he’s good!
theBollywoodFan: That’s what they say of Veer the film.
Punya: Dear Lord. Almost everyone likes the bad guy more than the good guy. What has this world come to? Kitna badal gaya insaan? (Oh how man has changed!) Why didn’t I die before seeing this day?
Makkhi (Whispering): That’s a dialogue for Maa.
Punya: You’re right, actually.
Makkhi: Of course I’m right. I’m the brains around here.
theBollywoodFan: Lord help the world.
Punya (Teary-eyed): Maa!
Makkhi: While Punya goes off to a family reunion and seeks congratulations on petty achievements...
...why don’t you tell us who you think will win this historic match between Veer and Chulbul? Vote now, it’s the first ever poll here!
theBollywoodFan: Readers, the poll runs until January 31, 2011, and the voting box can be found at the top of the sidebar, under the header. My vote is out in the open: No one, *no one* beats He-Man.
(Update added 2/1/2011: The results are in. Chulbul wins mightily with 70% of the total vote! Thank you to all who voted.)
Makkhi: Until next time, folks. This is Makkhi saying so long, everybody. Enjoy the fight.
theBollywoodFan: He meant the vote.
Punya (sobbing): And remember to cast your vote, not vote your cast, please.
I hope you enjoyed reading this at least half as much as I enjoyed writing. :) The conclusions, then:
Movie rating: 2.5/5 - Average. I found it quite enjoyable despite its many flaws and its very, very cliched approach and script. Part of me wishes it were less of a love story, could've been a great pure action flick. If you're a Salman fan, you might draw some solace.
Music rating: 3.75/5 (Very good, it's among the best works of Sajid-Wajid. I like every track but 'Taali'.)
My classification: R, for violence.
Official website: http://veer.erosentertainment.com/
Movie rating: 4/5 - Excellent! Salman at his finest, with a very good supporting cast (particularly Vinod Khanna, Om Puri, and Sonu Sood) and some pure fun comedy. Few if any can pull this off.
Music rating: 2.5/5 (Very VERY average as a standalone product, and tolerable in the film only because of the cast. I don't understand what appears to be a very positive response.)
My classification: R, for violence.
Official website: http://www.dabanggthefilm.com/
Also see: Shell's review.